The Bite in Me
I don't easily get bothered or set aback by someones opinion of me.... usually. Last Friday I had dinner with a chorus acquaintance, we have had the usual nice polite interactions and many email exchanges but never a face to face mingle. After the usual courteous exchanges and the mini family bio, I asked him to tell me his opinion of me. I don't recall all that was said or the details on how we got to that conversation but one thing has stuck with me 'till today. "Your sense of humor has a bite". It wasn't said in a matter of fact way, it was actually inferred as something very negative worthy of a Mel Gibson or Imus rehab. It got me thinking because I know that my light hearted personality and sense of humor is what gets me places and dates. was it?
I don't need to make an appointment with Dr. Crane to realize that it is a defense mechanism a-la-Chandler Bing (I think Mateo will appreciate all my pop culture references). Growing up I was always the new kid in the block moving every other year between Gringoland and Chile. I wasn't good at sports, girls were ok but not my forte, I was very smart and studious ( not a popularity mix), but I had my personality, always laughing, making jokes and optimistic. I became President of my High School class, had a cheerleader girlfriend and hanged with the southamerican rugby/soccer/rugby clique of my private school.
Once in the gay world it was this sort of sense of humor that kept me (and many) afloat in the subculture life we lived under a Catholic conservative Hispanic culture. You had to learn to say a lot with a few words and a wink. We call it "conchazos" in Chile, a way of finding the others little defects or hidden details and using it for comic relief. It is true that not everyone has the mental stamina to take this without being offended, but it is also true that once you knew me you'll see that it is not done out of malice but out of making dynamic and fun dialogues.
I started to make inventory of my best friends and their personalities: Mr. Sarcastic, Mademoiselle Bitchy, Mama Subtle, etc.... they all have something particular that makes them fun to engage with. I asked Norman if I should change that... and he said what I would've answered if I had asked myself.... no.... it is what makes you....you.
I spent so many years trying to be liked by everyone.... I think there are other personality traits that really need change ( like my love/sex dichotomy....but that is another blog).
I don't need to make an appointment with Dr. Crane to realize that it is a defense mechanism a-la-Chandler Bing (I think Mateo will appreciate all my pop culture references). Growing up I was always the new kid in the block moving every other year between Gringoland and Chile. I wasn't good at sports, girls were ok but not my forte, I was very smart and studious ( not a popularity mix), but I had my personality, always laughing, making jokes and optimistic. I became President of my High School class, had a cheerleader girlfriend and hanged with the southamerican rugby/soccer/rugby clique of my private school.
Once in the gay world it was this sort of sense of humor that kept me (and many) afloat in the subculture life we lived under a Catholic conservative Hispanic culture. You had to learn to say a lot with a few words and a wink. We call it "conchazos" in Chile, a way of finding the others little defects or hidden details and using it for comic relief. It is true that not everyone has the mental stamina to take this without being offended, but it is also true that once you knew me you'll see that it is not done out of malice but out of making dynamic and fun dialogues.
I started to make inventory of my best friends and their personalities: Mr. Sarcastic, Mademoiselle Bitchy, Mama Subtle, etc.... they all have something particular that makes them fun to engage with. I asked Norman if I should change that... and he said what I would've answered if I had asked myself.... no.... it is what makes you....you.
I spent so many years trying to be liked by everyone.... I think there are other personality traits that really need change ( like my love/sex dichotomy....but that is another blog).
Posts
1 comment:
I hope the "Mademoiselle Bitchy" wasn't referring to me!!!! Moi, the nicest, most understanding, patient person in the world... ok, even I don't believe that. I think everyone has certain traits that attracts other people. It's the combination of those traits that makes who we are. There is a difference between changing or improving some of our actions or habits and changing our personality. If all of a sudden I wasn't bitchy anymore, Matthew would move out and you probably would not want to have anything to do with me, right?
Post a Comment