Some like it hot....

OK here we are in San Diego, after a week of annoying and sticky hot weather ( of course hot in San Diego terms) and I am thinking of how in general as we grow into our ages we get less and less tolerant towards things that happens us.
During the last week I have been recontacting friends and acquaintances through Facebook. These people were a huge part of my life during my recent and not so recent past. One of them is a guy I met in Chile, I was around 25 and my mom had sent me to see a therapist because she was worried I didn't have an emotional life ( obviously she and I still had not admitted to may "gay issue"...that is another blog I should write).
Tolerant or maybe just young and impulsive, I fell in love with a married man... (he had a BF not wife and kids). Life does not warn us when certain events or people will become milestones in our life. He became just that, my emotional life can be divided pre and post HIM. I am sure he doesn't know that and I am not sure if one day I will tell him, I did write various poems about those days, those I may release. The main reason that I pursued this relationship was at the advice of my therapist who had just told me I was " incapable of love". This actually sounds harsher and more definitive than what it really is.
Fear and disappointment was the root of why I was where I was emotionally. Years ago, during my first gay Long Term Relationship, I had caught my boyfriend in bed with another man. I made myself believe that mundane situations like that didn't affect me, I was above jealousy and suffering. All the men who dated me afterward would probably tell you otherwise.
When I reached the turning point in my life when I met this "married" guy and I started my therapy, my therapist counseled me to continue this relationship as a way of him to work through my process of dating and relating with others emotionally. To make a long story short the whole 5 months we were together (with therapy and with my "boyfriend"), was worth 5 years of marriage. To make a long story short I broke up with him 5 months later when I realized that I needed more than the few hours a week he could spare out of his real relationship. I was WORTH more, yes! I have never dated someone with a BF again (knowingly). Crushes on unavailable men, yes... but that is a blog I already wrote months ago. This spiel come to me when I realized all the NOs I have when it comes to dating and how just 12 years ago this laundry list just had one item: Must be a MAN.