Ay Dios Mío!!!

Anyone who knows me can attest that I just love men in cloth. Repressed Catholic urges? My admiration for his willpower to be chaste? I wasn't abused by my Priest when I was a kid?

I came across this thought after going to Mass on Sunday with David, after a long absence from church, and seeing this advertisement for sexy priests calendar.

Going deeper into my Id I can probably discover that all these emotional symptoms of infatuation with unavailable men can be somehow explained by what my therapist told me 12 years ago: I had an incapacity to love.

It isn't as terrifying as it sounds, although nobody warned ME about that when he just splashed it at me. What we discovered together is this fear of being hurt and left alone. I create all these expectations that are so hard to fulfill. So, to avoid being disappointed, men who are unable to engage in a relationship (married, vows) are easy target for my affections. I don't have to worry about being hurt because it will never sublimate

beyond a crush or an affair. I've tried to let go of those impulses to pursue normal "healthy" flirtations. As expected, I loose interest. Now before y'all label me as an emotional stunted Hobbit, I have to mention that I have been in relationships, and very mature ones too. The problem is that as I grow older and " wiser" the list of Dos and Donts just increases leaving less space for spontaneous spur of the moment flings.

It could also be that THE person just hasn't shown up, I admire those who can just meet a guy and shackle up after 3 weeks. I am just waiting for someone who shows up with a dozen daisies at my doorstep ( and real flowers please... sorry you know who) and invites me to go to Ramona to see the shooting stars on a blanket and a thermos with coffee.

Until then, I'll just confess myself with Padre Patricio on the left.