The Bite in Me

I don't easily get bothered or set aback by someones opinion of me.... usually. Last Friday I had dinner with a chorus acquaintance, we have had the usual nice polite interactions and many email exchanges but never a face to face mingle. After the usual courteous exchanges and the mini family bio, I asked him to tell me his opinion of me. I don't recall all that was said or the details on how we got to that conversation but one thing has stuck with me 'till today. "Your sense of humor has a bite". It wasn't said in a matter of fact way, it was actually inferred as something very negative worthy of a Mel Gibson or Imus rehab. It got me thinking because I know that my light hearted personality and sense of humor is what gets me places and dates. was it?
I don't need to make an appointment with Dr. Crane to realize that it is a defense mechanism a-la-Chandler Bing (I think Mateo will appreciate all my pop culture references). Growing up I was always the new kid in the block moving every other year between Gringoland and Chile. I wasn't good at sports, girls were ok but not my forte, I was very smart and studious ( not a popularity mix), but I had my personality, always laughing, making jokes and optimistic. I became President of my High School class, had a cheerleader girlfriend and hanged with the southamerican rugby/soccer/rugby clique of my private school.
Once in the gay world it was this sort of sense of humor that kept me (and many) afloat in the subculture life we lived under a Catholic conservative Hispanic culture. You had to learn to say a lot with a few words and a wink. We call it "conchazos" in Chile, a way of finding the others little defects or hidden details and using it for comic relief. It is true that not everyone has the mental stamina to take this without being offended, but it is also true that once you knew me you'll see that it is not done out of malice but out of making dynamic and fun dialogues.
I started to make inventory of my best friends and their personalities: Mr. Sarcastic, Mademoiselle Bitchy, Mama Subtle, etc.... they all have something particular that makes them fun to engage with. I asked Norman if I should change that... and he said what I would've answered if I had asked myself.... no.... it is what makes you....you.
I spent so many years trying to be liked by everyone.... I think there are other personality traits that really need change ( like my love/sex dichotomy....but that is another blog).

There's A FIne Fine Line...

After a very taxing and overwhelming whole day rehearsal on Saturday a group of us chorines went to dinner Napa Valley Grill and then headed to see Avenue Q. What a delight, for starters we were treated with a superb ensemble, good seats and a fun crowd. I will start by saying that I am in love with the understudy who performed the main roles that night, Seth Rettberg. What a treat beautiful voice and stellar performance. One of the songs that resonates 'til today was Kate Monster's There's a Fine Fine Line:
There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

NOUGH SAID!!

Antes y Después.. The Week in Review

I hate to be this lazy and just do a review post, but July has been and is going to be a very hectic month so I am going to pull a week in review.

Saturday was a relaxed day, I went to see Transformers with a friend. Movie was OK, besides the hunky robots with incredible metal toys I think we could totally eliminate the human characters and the movie would not loose a bit of fun. I am very smitten with Jazz:
There is something about a male robot with big shoulders and thunder thighs with the added fact that afterwards he turns into a Solstice.

After the movie I went shopping for new clothes as I needed I white tshirt for the Padres' National Anthem gig and some new stuff for my new job that started in Monday.
Sunday was amazing!!! and that is the reason for the title of my blog. My life will be divided in a before and after this moment. Besides the foolish and very small protest from a few losers with red tshirts with the legend "Save Our Kids" the stadium was almost at full capacity and during our singing we just heard applause and roars. By the end of the song I just had to let some tears drop, this was just overwhelming. I think this day was a wake up call for all of us who ever wondered of the importance of putting yourself out there.

One sad event occurred during the weekend, my cat Alexandria escaped and while I was chasing her I fell and twisted my ankle ( still today the size of a grapefruit), I could never catch here. Monday morning I found her dead in the garden. RIP.

As mentioned above I started a new job at UCSD's Cardiology on Monday. Talk about a change of pace, from 20 to 120 mph. wow. I do enjoy it, a mix of all new things and thriving under stress. My colleagues are all fun and hyper like me, disaster waiting to happen?

I have laid very low on the dating for July, (sorry guys I will be available very soon :)) I still think of y'all.

National Anthem not for All?

As Pride weekend approaches a slew of emotions rush through my head. When we have a couple of queer channels, a dozen of out actors/singers and the lesbian daughter of the Vice-President giving birth to a child you pretty much start thinking that all is done and that the purpose of these civic events have outlived their purpose. Then along comes a so called christian that just makes you wake up from the stupor with his vitriol about gay agendas and children indoctrination. All this in regards to the Gay Men's Chorus singin the National Anthem at a Padres Games July 8th.

We live our lives watching 80s video clips in youtube clicking Buy Now buttons in Amazon and gay.com thinking all is just fine and dandy, and that it is only a matter of time before Jake Gyllenhaal works up the nerve to ask your hand in matrimony. Activism is such a harsh word because it evokes street protests and in my case Chilean Carabineros throwing sewer water from huge tanks to disperse the "communist" from the public view. This a preconceived notion that does not fit the way to protest in the XXI century. It is time for us to fight fallacies with truth and real information.

I really hope that some day Pride as an activity would just serve the same purpose as St. Patrick's Day parade or Rockin' Eve, until then the more people realize how " the gays " have fun, cry and fall in love just as any other son of God the better for all humans as then we will be able to confront the real problems that concern us as a species.

Back to our regular programing:

All out of love - Air Supply

Well this officialy Melancholy week...after watching La Vie en Rose I went through memory lane and what better homage to nostalgia than Air Supply

La Via de La Rosa

Every once in a blue moon you encounter a performance that just floods your senses and overrides your emotions. The first time I heard the Little Sparrow sing was in the ealry 80s, in a movie called La Ley del Deseo directed by Pedro Almodovar. The song was Ne Me Quitte Pas and it made me realize how I thrive with melancholy and nostalgia. These feelings may seem pessimistic or even emotionally masoquistic. I digress, you never feel more alive than when life is colored sepia and everyone seems to be looking away from you. Things that are hard to conquer give you the greatest satisfactions. My most prolific time as a poet was in my early 20s before I became Mirandesquely (Miranda Hobbs) cynical. Platonic loves and being misunderstood by my peers just made me long for men who seemed defenseless or situations in which I was needed to provide comfort.
All these thoughts came to my mind as I saw the biopic of Edith Piaf last Friday in the movie La Vie en Rose. Besides the fact the Marion Cotillard gave an Oscar worthy performance it was the tragic story of someone who overcame life's lemons and made not only lemonade but planted the seeds and grew lemon trees. Probably this kind of story does not resonate in the instant gratification society we currently live in, but it certainly shows an example of why some of the so called Divas nowadays need to just look back a few decades and realize that that title was earned and if they were bitches it was because they did everything without making excuses...Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien